Aug2, i woke up this morning feeling a sense of tiredness surging through my back...upon opening my eyes, i realised i'm back to reality again~ cold!!! grrrrr....and i missed home still. just last night, i heard a good news of the birth of my youngest cousin, osen! can't help but wanna fly home sooner! i wana carry him...i wana see him! i heard he's got adorable eyes and really sweet smile, just like his brother, owen! guess taking the subject Sociology of the Family makes me miss my extended-family more. i long to be home!

i don't remember myself feeling so home-sick before! never!! ever!! not for the period of three years in australia have i felt so strongly that i missed home. perhaps this is my final semester? or maybe because i've been subduing such devastating emotions within me for the past few years? and just this morning, i just felt so useless! not even able to strike a match to cook lunch! i just feel that i'm not cut-out to be a housewife next time--so chris, don't put such high hopes in me! and today's my first time trying to cook chicken-tonic soup for myself! i've been feeling really weak and tired lately...don't really have the 'zeng-san' (Cantonese, translated it's energy) to do anything! and mum gave me the recipe over the phone a few days ago and yes! i'm cooking it now. somehow or rather, while doing the preparation--from the cleaning of the "blood-leaking" chicken thighs i bought from the supermarket, to the boiling of the tonics, every act reminded me of how mummy used to do it at home. at that very moment, i just wished i need not take care of myself....i just wished someone can take care of me and shower me with tender loving care~ (awww~ so sad!)

and just yesterday, while annie and i were waiting for the bus at the bus-stop near my place to go down to the nearest town to grab groceries, we saw a young, sweet Asian-couple waiting for the bus as well. they looked really young...uni students, i believe. 15minutes later, we were all still waiting for the bus! (aussie buses are always late!!) and the sweet couple decided that they would walk there~and there they left, hand-in-hand, sweetly chatting away while they walked the distance. that reminded me when chris was here last year; we did that too! walked down to Clayton to buy groceries and all the way up! even though it was a long long journey, it was great to have loved-one by my side!

call me a pessimist! but i had really wished that life hadn't been so hard for me...all these daily experiences continually remind me of the good-old-days of the past. i wanna go home! i really want to! and my only solution to make me feel better is to place familiar pictures and photographs around me to create an 'illusion' that i'm home! One of it shows Shrek and Donkey, because it makes me smile!!