Sunday, July 24, 2005
July 24
came to realise that sometimes, the greatest things in life are found just next to you. you may not even notice its presence and its wonderful goodness! you may not have regarded it as the most important and have simply taken it for granted. when it's suddenly gone, you begin to feel a deep sense of loss, of emptiness within and would just wish time could ever return for you. it's just too late to ever regret because there's just some things in life which would remain permanent forever. there's nothing you could ever do to revert back to history. nothing!
been pondering over loads of things recently...especially over relationships. it's sucha big word which encompasses kinship, friendship and bg-relationship. somehow i have placed that as the greatest thing in life. after going through so much since my return, i have come to understand that as the ever most important element of life which i could not live without. my meeting with benny was the most wonderful blessing this year. only come to full realisation when i saw him lying inside his coffin. tears just flowed inevitably, knowing that i have just lost one of the greatest things in life: a friend. it took a long time to come to terms with the fact that i would never meet him again. i was so busy that fateful week that i postponed my meeting with him again and again. he had wanted to meet me before he left but we never did. my only comfort was that i told him how much i cared for him as a friend, how much i enjoyed his companionship and how much i would miss him before he left. i don't know if he ever liked me at all, i wouldn't be able to find out for the rest of my life...but there's one thing i do know: i will always treasure those times we have shared together, no matter how shortlived that was. sometimes you could only have the greatest things in life for the shortest period of time. do you just let time slip away?
while i was going through those saddest moments of my life months ago, i told my closest buddy: "i have not found someone who truly loves me so much so much! nobody likes me!!" he replied saying, "you know what? i dropped you enuf hints to tell you how much i care for you for the past 6 years but you never seemed to get it!" i looked at him in surprise, uttering only a word of response: "really??" that taught me a lesson. sometimes i'm just too blur to notice the greatest things found nearest to me. that's what i call human nature: always going on a search for the best things in life furthest away, hoping that you would one day find it. the matter of fact is, you will never. the best things in life are often found next to you.
~gracie left a note at 11:10 am
Thursday, July 21, 2005
July 21
Fatigue overcome me this week. stress is written all over me...very blur at times. that has caused me to be scolded by my bosses for acute errors made. argh! weekend, pls be here soon!! i need a reprieve!! i'm dying soon...
have been leaving office close to 8pm everyday since the beginning of the week but always feel that i haven't accomplished alot in a day. i wish i could have more time....more energy to run around to do my work.
sometimes i just wish to take a break. have sent in my application for time off but never got any response from my boss. she's never going to approve as she's my covering officer. seems like the next breather would be national day......!
oh yar, talking about national day, i'm excited about it! especially working under the National Heritage Board allows me to be more involved in doing my part for my country! it's time to proclaim my love for my Singapore! well, call me a patriot! but seriously, being overseas for 3 years have reinforced the nationalistic feelings in me. somehow i take pride in taking the pledge and singing the national anthem! just missed those school assembly days......(*music: wang bu liao...wang bu liao...)
~gracie left a note at 8:36 pm
Saturday, July 16, 2005
July 16
received a very touching thankyou note very recently after the trip. it warmed my heart. *tears* suddenly realised how powerful words of love could uplife one's soul. through the trip, i've come to understand that we should live life by the moment. yes, indeed, glimpses of sweet memories and flash backs will stay in my heart forever and will follow me through life. just wished i could capture and keep all these memories in a precious treasure box which i could open up every now and then.
after reading the thankyou note, couldn't help but click the 'reply' button:
"dearest,
Such a touching thank you note. It's been a blessing to have you around in this trip too! If not for your presence, the trip could have been a more difficult one. Thankyou for your sharing. Even though I did not catch much sleep through the trip, I have never regretted those night hours spent chatting with you. If there be another trip like this, I guess I wouldn't mind going if you are going to be there. I have indeed learnt a lot from this trip, both intellectually and spiritually. I have also gained and learnt more about life through your sharing. Thanks! It doesn't matter how long/ short life is, it is good enough to know that there's some special moments spent with you in this trip. Life isn't about crossing milestones, but living the moment together, isn't it?"
~gracie left a note at 7:44 pm
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
July 13
this trip to Malaysia made me grew up. it was indeed an eye opener. it was a thought provoking few days spent. even though we were frantically running around doing filming, there were times of reflection spent while we travelled. it felt as if i came back a changed person. beginning to see the world from another perspective, look at life from a diff angle. realised that circumstances in life do shape a person's character.
~gracie left a note at 8:21 pm
Thursday, July 07, 2005
7 July
it was so overwhelming! my office email box was super flooded after not at office for 2 days! can't imagine how ppl could sit in front of their comps and send and send and send emails through the day! i wonder if ppl do other things aside from spending the whole day typing emails, following up on emails and replying emails??
been preparing for the trip...from research to logistics to meetings to loads of other things. my boss sat me down with stanley today to brief us on what would be expected in the trip. she emphasized so much the need for us to be very flexible, vigilant and quick to respond to unpredictable requests of my Director in the course of the whole trip. well, she generally wished us 'good luck'!? hmm...oh well, i'm not going to think so much...just take things as it comes. of course, i'll pray really hard that God will grant us a safe trip. well, like Choo Eng always puts in, when we leave everything to God, He will lead and take care. so, there's nothing much to worry about, isn't it? the good thing of the trip i guess would be the time-offs that i'm looking forward to! can claim the hours worked through weekend. plus a $180 per day allowance! really want to pamper myself when i return from the trip!
guess what i need now is rest.....rest from work. shouldn't go on about work here....been doing too much of work today. need sleep....need a break! how i wish i got the weekend to myself....sigh!
~gracie left a note at 8:26 pm
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
July 6
finally, i'm online again! my comp has been down for ages! haven't had time to fix it?! even if i do, i don't really know how to? my cpu fan stopped and my comp is filled with virus. and yes, even i'm sick. the doc gave me 2 days mc....down with fever and bad flu! caught this viral infection from a few people last weekend. plus i have been having a low immune sysytem, with less sleep and dehydration during work. i seriously couldn't move or do a single thing yesterday. i was really sick, maybe had strong medicine.
so much has happened over the past months. haven't had time to really update. perhaps life just keeps moving on when there isn't a time to sit down and really reflect upon life. i just dread going work! seriously do....and guess it's the stress that is attached to the office environment. just can't help but keep on moving!? life keeps going, time keeps ticking and my work keeps on piling up! aghhh~
i'm going on a filming trip with my Director and some other colleagues this weekend. i hate to go as i know i'll be working through weekend. i hate doing that as i lose a day when i can really concentrate in worshipping God and being close to Him. what should i do? tried to explain to the Management but they just practically force ppl to do things which could be beyond our limits at times. sometimes i just feel i can't breathe...God, give me strength to carry on. it's going to be a demanding trip this weekend, as we travel to the east and west coasts of Malay Peninsular to shoot the landing spots of the Japanese when they attacked in JaN 1942. hopefully i would be well enough to survive through the trip and not be sick. i don't want to be sick......no, i don't want!
~gracie left a note at 11:24 am
