Aug25, i struggled with it again. last night, it was just so hard to say 'goodbye' to chris. it's an undescribable sadness that surged strongly in the deepest ends of my heart. it feels like seeing your bestest friend (if there's such a vocabulary to define the best-best friend) for the last time before you could ever meet him again. i sound exaggerated here, but it's really true. whenever i pick up his phonecalls, it often feels like it's been a long, long time since we last seen each other.

in LDRs, the only time you could ever 'be together' is when you spend time chatting over any means of communication. it might be the phone, the icq, emails or letters. it's where the distance between us is pulled closer. it's like meeting him again in reality! we are so far, yet so near when we are over the phone.

it's in times like these that i feel like crying. when comforting myself, i always tell myself i need to be stronger...i don't need to wait for his phonecalls...that life still goes on...it's time to accept the way things are. i guess it's always a vicious cycle. i live my own life...he interrupts my life with his calls....his calls make me wish the conversation to continue...but he hangs up....and i'm back to my own life again.

sometimes i missed him so much so that i wished i could bring him into my dreams...and in my dreams, the time we could spend together seems 'everlasting'. but well~ gone were the days! i'm just in my dreamy, romantic mood.......never will these things happen! never, ever....!