12 April 2005

woke up late this morning! lazed in bed from 6.30 till 7.00am!? what am i doing?!!? *hmm, mr. z monster refused to let me go!!* inevitably that culminated in me stepping into office 5minutes pass 8.30am. "oh well, don't make it a habit, gracie!!" i said to myself. been trying to get up early recently but it's been just so difficult!! fatigue caught me!

guess i'm in my dreamy moods nowadays...dreamt about japanese soldiers taking seige of singapore. *man! too much video footage cataloguing at work!!* and also, dreamt of my ex-bf too, as i always did in the past while i was in australia. too many things remind me of him in my daily life. it's just so hard to forget. like how benny puts it, "the pain is still there". totally understood how he felt when he said those words. the pain of losing someone so dear to my heart; the pain of remembering how we parted.

there is always a splitting conflict in my heart. on one hand, i really wish to meet him again and that's why i always dream about it. always wonder, how is he doing right now? really wana meet him personally and tell him i still treasure and care so much about him as a friend, even though we no longer together. after what happened to benny, i suddenly realise how much every friend means to me and how much i want to appreciate them whenever i meet them face 2 face. on the otherhand, isn't it more painful to meet someone whom you have always loved with all your heart but who no longer loves and cares about you anymore? it will feel worse inside to know that he has moved on with life, enjoying singlehood or even gotten himself a new gf?!?