14 April 2005

gota surprise phonecall from a long lost friend yesterday. she asked me out for lunch, telling me that she's got things to discuss. it was great to catch up over lunch that day. we talked about friendships...about how things changed over time. she said something which hit me so much. "gracie, everyone's your friend! everyone!" *really??* that prompted me to consider the validity of her statement.

yes, ever since i came back from australia, i realised i changed....in the way i view friendships. some friends have been so dear to my heart before, but now, it's just different. deep within, i still care and treasure the sweetest memories we have shared in the past. yes, we may be really close before, but i guess we have moved on in our lives seperately.

so much has happened this year which made me feel that life is so unpredictable. as benny says, everything's so impermanent. i've utterly lost faith in building friendships and relationships. life still goes on, but i've just changed. i used to rely on friends around to support me in everything in my life in the past. however, recently i realised that there are some things in life which no longer stay the same forever. people change, things change and we grow up everyday. depending on what we are exposed to everyday, our mentalities are diverted towards different goals in life. friends come and go. they may be very close friends to me at one point in my life; but no longer so close now. and that's just a reality in life that i've come to realise.

and it's just so hard to use time as a measurement of friendship. it's just inaccurate to say that a friend you have known for 10years is definitely of higher status than another friend you have merely known for 2 weeks. for all you know, 2 weeks is just sufficient to leave a deep impact in your life so much. and yes, i know how it feels to lose a friend i've only gotten to know for a short period. friendships may be shortlived; but that doesn't mean that it's not worth treasuring afterall. it's just so childish to catagorise friends as very very good friend, an aquaintance or a hi-bye. as friendship is mutual, it's difficult to make things work if the other just refuses. so, there are times when i just feel that i'm in my own world...don't really see a point in trying so hard to develop deep friendships and treasure them. rather, just let it be...if it is meant to be, it will be, isn't it?