20 April 2005

i thought i have moved on with life all these months. i thought i will never hear anything of him anymore. i thought i'm okay inside my heart until this morning. heart brokeness came back to me. i dreamt of him last night. in it, i saw him again at a shopping centre. i tried to smile and said 'hi'...but he just turn an antagonised gaze at me and left without saying a word. i felt so rejected in my dreams. i wish this will never happen in reality....never.

the only reason why this came back to me was the unforgetable phone call i received from aunty one night. she was concerned about what has been going on between me and her son. i realised just how much she loves her son....i felt so relieved after speaking to her because i felt that she's one of the few who truly understands how i truly feel inside. i told her how much i missed her son, how much i wish i could still be important in her son's life....the fact is, i'm no longer the one in his life. there's just really nothing i can do.

i feel that i have done all i can for this relationship...maybe it's just not meant to be?! the matter of fact is, he gave up our relationship. he gave up our friendship as well. i'm just prepared for the rest of my life, to accept this fact that he might never want to meet me again for the rest of his life...to know that even if we were to meet down the street one day, that he might not even say 'hi'. and that to me, is the most painful thing that could ever happen in my life. *tears*