25 April 2005

the weekend was spent reminiscing the past. have always tried to force him out of my thoughts. however, no matter how hard i try, he still remains. it was 23rd last saturday. i didn't purposely remembered that day, but somehow~ i was just reminded of how we used to spend anniversaries together. wherever i went last weekend, thoughts of him just came back to me. my trip to the zoo yesterday brought back so much thoughts of him.....of my previous trip to the zoo with him, smiling at the camera...taking pictures with the pygmy hippo! hippopo was our little stuffed-toy we shared; she's the star in our relationship. we'd love to bring her along wherever we went. we love her so much...and i'm now beginning to miss her loads. *i truly miss you, hippopo!* maybe this re-visit to the zoo just came at the right time. maybe it's time to over-write memories of the past? maybe it's time to forget the sweetest memories spent?

what made me missed him more was today....totally didn't expect myself to pass by his place after spending a day at RBC (reflections at bukit chandu) to help out in a maths trail exercise for 300 primary school kids. took bus 143 and unknowingly, it brought me down to harbour front and then passed his place. it just reminded me once again of the countless trips i used to make to his place. i used to drop by and say 'hi' as often as i could before....now, i don't even know if i'm welcomed at all?~ so much hesitation reigns within my heart now that things have changed over time. i really wanted to alight at that bus stop and just spend a few moments recollecting all the memories. but i just couldn't bring myself to do that, cos' it's just too silly! i know i'll end up feeling more rejected deep within....sometimes i asked myself: "so what if i meet him? so what if he returns my watch? so what if i really love him? so what...??"

anyway, life moves on....the big question is: "gracie, can you move on?"