Can We Still Be Friends?
933 radio broadcaster Ling Zhi was reading out a love story on air in her Music Diary program. she shared about how this woman finally fell in love with a man, after he did so much for her. however, her parents objected to the relationship so much that it became stressful for both of them. he decided to give the relationship a break, promised her that they will come back together after a year. she held on to the relationship, but he didn't. he fell in love with another girl shortly after a month from the breakup.

that brought me to wonder: is there really such thing as commitment and friendship after a relationship? if you have chosen to break up, is there still a possibility for friendships? can ex-couples meet each other once again and pretend that nothing has ever happened before? can they still treat each other as very good platonic friends?

i used to faithfully held onto the idea that friendships still exist after relationships. you can still have an ongoing, passionate and intense friendship with your ex. you can still count on each other as good friends. such believe ended when i came face to face with my first ex recently. we promised each other 6 years ago that we will still remain friends after the break up. today, i realised that our lives have moved on so far that it was no longer possible for us to return to the past. we used to spend so much time over the phone, but it sounds so childish now as i think about it.

i agreed with benny when he told me once, to tell the other 'let's be friends' is as good as not saying it. you are just trying to comfort the other that you would still be in contact with each other. just like the love story case, the guy merely used it as an excuse for a breakup. he didn't know how to put it better than just: let's be friends once again? it's a delusion that creates confusion and blurs the line between you and him. it gives the other flickering hope that one day your friendship may bring you 2 together once again. it tries to console the hurting heart that perhaps our relationship doesn't work now. with time, we may change and who knows? we might be together again, since you never know when a friend might turn to become a boyfriend again.

i see the friendship development from acquaintance to good friends to relationship a linear process, not reversible. it's either you maintain status quo or you totally lose the friendship. because every friendship or relationship is mutual. if both chose a breakup, then why choose to maintain contact still? simply no reason to...no excuse to...no point! why would you want to be in contact with someone who doesn't treasure your friendship anymore?

it's a silly and selfish idea too. when we cannot come to terms with the loss of a relationship, we tend to cope with our losses by consoling ourselves that we are still friends. it's selfish in that you want the friendship, but not the commitment and mutual responsibility. you won't want to be tied down and won't want to feel hurt once more. yet, you wish for passionate, intimate friendship? is it possible? not possible, my dear.