Monday, May 08, 2006
My life at a Glanceguess this is a bold step to take: to reveal much more about me and my life here. perhaps no one is interested in the gracie's world, since each one of us is living in our very own. when the worlds meet, we pretend that we are very happy in our own worlds. however, when the meeting is over, when we shut the doors of our hearts, we returned to the grey patch of the soul. we don't want to share the other side with others, for fear that others would never understand, for fear that others would never accept that side of us.
here's the other side of me you may not know.
secondary school days-was a latch-key kid
-had an unpleasant encounter with a flasher in the lift
-had S$1.50 for pocket money everyday
-i liked this boy seated right across the classroom for a year in sec 1
-joined the dance club and developed my sense of beat & groove there
-was a friend to everyone in school, no particular cliques
-struggled with physical fitness tests to attain at least a bronze every year
-was 'picked up' by a St Andrews boy and a macho rugby boy from Normal Tech class at bus stops after school
-hated sciences and lab work even though i was in the pure science stream
-attended my first tuition class at Peace Centre when i was 15
-stepped into Perth, Australia for the first time for a week-long holiday
jc days -attended many sessions of orientation progs and gota know mr. big butt (oops!ok, he's my true love) for the longest period of time
-developed a platonic friendship with my class rep
-had a bad quarrel with this girl in class, but now my best buddy
-hated economics for 2 years
-almost kicked out of school after jc 1 prelims
-had the first taste of getting 8/50 for history exam
-flunged my A levels with an O for history
transition period-retook my A levels
-started working with a non-profit organisation to help juvenile delinquents
-led out in many leadership camps and gota know many ppl
-had my first serious relationship with a charming and romantic boy 2 years younger than me
-fell out of love 3 mths later, after struggling with a third-party intrusion
-my history results in my 2nd attempt at A levels showed drastic improvement
-had my best memories of working experience as a temp at TTSH
-became good friends with 3 guys, who never failed to make my day
-decided that i should leave for melbourne to further my studies
-gota know my dearest 'gor' just b4 i flew off for melbourne
melbourne days-missed everyone in sg, especially my 'gor' when i first got to melb
-'gor' called and emailed every night; we never failed to miss each other
-moved into the house at bayview 2 weeks after
-had to adjust to life alone
-remembered crying many times, over lonliness, over problems, over pain
-flew home every 6 months and celebrated my 21st bday in sg with beloved friends
-gota know few good friends: australians, indonesians, hong kongers & singaporeans
-became best friends with my housemate, also my soulmate
-decided to take on sociology and history as majors
-slogged all day to finish a total of 25 000 words-long essay in 1 semester
-monash gunman shocked and traumatised the entire school with 2 dead, 5 injured
-gota pour my heart out to a boy on icq regarding the trauma i went through after the gunman incident
-went shopping at chadstone with 'miss tea', who would always bring me to coffee bean to sip her caramel tea
-fell in love again during 2003 summer break in sg and had my first taste of LDR
-missed him so much when i flew back when summer break ended and remembered how i cried many times over the little time spent together
-had lunches at Student Lounge with a 'sweetie pie' every mondays and tuesdays
-went to church camps every single holiday break and made many good friendships there
-my first skiing trip was a disaster
-my parents flew over to melb to attend my graduation ceremony
-all my friends threw me a surprise farewell party at my house
-got warmest memories and sweetest goodbye presents from them
1 year ago...-graduated with BA in Arts (Sociology & History)
-relationships went on rocks
-fell into depression, but was saved by a 'knight in shining armour' who gave his tender loving care for me and nursed my emotional wounds
-started my first job in sg, doing my passion
-my colleagues became my friends, especially during times of "adversity" at work
-struggled with my job
-lost 5kgs in the first 3 months; had terrible nightmares for many months
-became pessimistic about life and i lost my passion in life, in history, in church, in everything
2months ago...-ended my 1st job
-went for a good revitalising trip to bali
-ended my relationship with the man i dated for 3 years
-dropped my plans of going australia for easter camp
-started the new job at school
current-adjusted to school life and growing fat!
-having my own office all to myself
-loving my job
-having more time with my family
-searching for new goals in life
-having fun catching up with my melb friends (gracie is missing you all there!)
-been shopping at bugis!
in the coming months-found a new perm job, i hope
-be a nanny to my god-son
-touring melbourne and meeting my long lost friends
-obtain an Aussie PR
~gracie left a note at 10:06 pm
Sunday, May 07, 2006
marriage fidelity?i have been catching the Chinese drama serial
Woman of Times recently. was quite affected when i saw the scene where Xiyi(Fann Wong) decided to divorce Zengtu(Edmund Chen) after repeated extramarital flings. well you may say, hey it's just drama, why are you taking it so seriously?
watching that reminded me of my conversations with some friends over msn. they have been having flings outside of marriage, and they do not feel bitter about it. they expressed that they needed variety in life. afterall, they have been happily married for many years and they wana change. they are willing to set their jobs aside to meet up with girls outside just to have an hour or two together at hotel 81.
i stopped. i couldn't continue the conversation. questions flooded my mind. is there true love ever? does the ring on the fourth finger mean anything at all after years of marriage? why do you want to get married when you know that you will end up in divorce one day? to me, i have always known the fact that divorce rates has been escalating in most societies. i did a 5000-word report on divorce for my sociology subject at uni. i know the facts, but it never hit me till recently.
i begin to question faithfulness and fidelity in relationships and marriage. i have always been brought up in the environment where i see happy families and healthy relationships. just recently, i have been brought to a new world, the world of reality. much as i want to really hold on to the idea of eternity and forever-ness, im reminded that these things no longer exist. i have been couped up in a world of the happily-ever-after fantasy for too long.
i asked my girlfriend who doesn't lack admirers bringing her flowers everytime: why doesn't she give these men a chance? she told me, men can't be trusted. she would rather be single for the rest of her life. i thought it's just her own perceptions of marriage, of men and of life after marriage. however, now that i look at it, i realised that it's a wise option.
how could you ever entrust your life to a man who may be nice to you, but nice to other women much later? how are you so sure that he would whisper little sweet nothings into your ear only? if he's capable of doing that to you, he's capable of doing that to every other woman.
~gracie left a note at 10:10 am
Friday, May 05, 2006
i missed my bus!ahhh! i have been late twice in a row this week! why? because i missed my bus! and why do i missed my bus? because there are just too many students rushing for 9am class!!
i'm not trying to give excuses for myself, but squeezing up a crowded bus is no joke! i remembered the bad experience i had on tuesday morning. my bus journey that morning was a nightmare. i was dressed in formal attire and open-toe sandals. guess what? i got stepped on my toes. *ouch!* looked almost like a siow-zha-boh when i got to my destination an hour later!
yesterday's bus journey to school was just as bad. i was trying to hold on to the upper railings and balancing on my heels as the bus whobbled along. the worst thing that happened to me was there was this guy who stood behind me. he was standing so close that i could hear his breathing. yucks! that's how close he was. he was coughing through the journey and worst still, coughing into my hair! eeeyucks...! man! i just washed my hair in the morning!!! i could imagine all the saliva and germs flying into my hair. oh man! i forgave him the first few times, cos he was trying to control his cough. it was towards the end of the journey when he just didn't cover his mouth as he coughed into my hair! ahhh~ i turned around and gave him a stern stare. for a few occasions, he quickly covered his mouth and pretended nothing happened when i turned around.
man! it was so terrible that i decided that i should just be modest and let those "kiasu" (eager) ones squeeze up the bus first. i'd rather wait for the next bus. but guess what? the next one that came by was just as bad! in fact, Worst! the bendy-bus was FULL. imagine a bus load FULL of people! and the thing is this: ppl don't want to move to the back of the bus. they prefer to stay near the door. there are loads of spaces at the back, while ppl are squeezing at the front. many times, the bus drivers just gave up shouting at ppl, so they just shut the door and asked the rest to wait for the next bus. so here i was. missed another bus and waited for the next....ahh, frustrating!
i hope i don't sound like a rich pampered child who doesn't like taking buses. i do enjoy bus rides actually. i find myself doing more things, as compared to mrt rides. why? because i usually like to listen to 933 radio as i look out of the window and ponder about life. perhaps you don't get that kinda luxury in train rides, as there isn't much scenary to look at once the trains go underground.
i love to observe what other people are doing during bus or train rides. i guess many of you do that too. especially in the mornings, i noticed that most ppl fight for seats because they wana catch a bit of sleep before they get to work. their heads sway in the air, left and right...up and down. i remembered particularly this lady who was holding on to the rail and sleeping while she stood in the midst of the crowd in the bus. when the bus suddenly stopped, she literally flew! aww~ it was just so embarrassing....and there was a guy who comfortably sat on the window seat. he dozed off shortly after the bus driver started the bus. his head swayed in the air left and right so much so that he banged his head against the metal piece supporting the window pane a few times. the final one went: SMASH! that shook him up from his sleep. ouch!! that must hurt so much man! when he realised that everyone's looking at him, he pretended that nothing happened. it was quite amusing to watch him return to sleep again after all the smashing.
i guess i'd have to continue watching others sleep for a long time before i really get my seat. i don't think i'll ever get the bus seat, probably until the start of holidays. i hope i don't miss my bus continuously man! it isn't good...but do i have a choice??
~gracie left a note at 9:23 am
