saying goodbye
sadness enveloped my heart. i wish i could describe it. i wish i could talk to someone about it. but i just can't explain why my heart is feeling burdened and rainy today.

i met up with my best friend last night. i considered him my best friend because i'm my real-est self when i'm with him. many things have happened that made me feel that he's the only one left to trust, to lean on to. last night, when it was time to go home, i suddenly felt that strong surge of sadness in my heart which was never felt before, as if we were saying our last goodbye. no, he wasn't going to leave for a faraway place. it's difficult however, to just hold back the tears and give a warm smile before i left. i knew i couldn't spoil that entire atmosphere. i knew my tears would affect him in some ways, so i left in the most composed way. sometimes i wish time would stop. i wish time would return. sometimes i ask myself: what do i really miss about this friendship? the things we do together? the ups and downs? him? well, it's everything.

perhaps the departure was saddening because i felt that i'm suddenly left on my own. how could i move on with life without him? how could i live when he's not around to see me through? how could i be really happy when he's not around to share my happiness? how could i leave my best friend behind when he's having a hard time? how could i...? i wish i had answers.