The Big "C"
work has been piling up lately. it didn't really help to have so much activities crashing up together. however, despite the busyness, i felt a sense of fulfilment somehow lately.

commitment is a BIG 'C' word. it becomes overwhelming when you think of the time, the effort put in and the amount of patience you need to give to see something grow. it has become a very huge thing in my life right now. i have been considering it for a long while. time to make a decision on it somehow, sometime sooner.

work's a commitment. even though the responsibilities have increased over the past months, i felt appreciated for the hardwork put in. just received an email from my Director minutes ago saying "gracie, you did a good job!" -that means so much to me. perhaps it's a motivating factor for me to want to give more, sacrifice more and learn more. i must say the learning curve has been as steep as before, but the journey thus far has been gratifying. im still looking forward to work these days!

building relationships too, has become one of my goals lately. ever since i plunge into singlehood, life has been different, but good. i found more time for myself and for friends too. been doing a lot of catching up with oldies (old besties) and i feel great having to know how they have progressed in life. most of them have gotten married, and others thinking of marriage in the next 2 years. sometimes, it becomes a peer pressure thing to talk about marriage at a gathering. and somehow people talk about why some ppl are still single and .... oh well, i always found myself trapped when such conversations start. anyway, i'm pretty excited about december! it's a time of reunions with friends from aussie. (hey -if you guys need a room, let me know!! im willing to share my room and even my bed with you :)anyway, that's what besties are for!)

it takes courage to set your heart to commitment, because this BIG 'C' holds you responsible for any action(s) done henceforth. you will be obligated to someone or something upon pledging your heart and soul to it. it's the fear of the unknown and fear of the future challenges that create doubts in our minds. the fear of the 'what ifs' makes us fall back to our own comfort zones.

in the past, i saw commitment as the matter of opening your heart and having the willingness. but i realise over time that having a willing heart isn't enough. one needs to feel assured of one's abilities to conquer the challenges ahead. or else, fear overpowers and rides on willingess.

are you struggling with this BIG "C" too?