work stress versus fulfilment
stress enveloped my soul as i frantically typed my meeting minutes into the wee-hours of midnight. i became quite disappointed with myself when i wasn't able to meet the 6pm Monday deadline. i postponed my own deadline till 12 midnight. I was still typing away at 2am. sigh. i wondered what took me so long.

perhaps it was my first minutes i had to submit to the Board. what added on to the pressure was when DD said, "The style of writing should be factual, detail without the verbosity." verbosity - my first encounter with such a profound word. everything's got its first time. and we often move around more cautiously on our first times, because we don't know the grounds we are treading upon. overwhelming. you either die at the wrath of the vettor's hands or you get praised for your enormous good work and effort. my past traumas revisted my mind. it overtook my motivations to do my best. anyway, i overcame my fears by just taking the first step beyond what i thought i could give.

finally the minutes was up at 2am. phew~ all done. went to office this morning with panda eyes. i felt tired. what made my day was a little encouraging note i received from DD on my minutes. perhaps it's the little steps and the 'forgiving' spirit in others that have motivated me to accept my errors and to move on.

when the minutes of meeting was approved without major revamps to the Board, i felt a great relief. it felt so familiar - just like how i felt when i knew i got a High Distinction for an assignment which i put in all my might and spirit. the sense of achievement felt good. when i left office today, it felt as if i have just finished my exams and it was time to enjoy and relax.

it's been a long time since i felt that way.